Broken hearts

Do you remeber the time that you first fell in love with someone? Do you remeber how that felt? I remeber, and it sometimes breaks me down every now and then. 

First of all, sorry for not writing for a while if anyone really reads this. Two years ago I found someone and I fell in love with her and reminded by that each day still. I shared everything with her, even my deepest darkest secrets and trusted her with them. Last month she dumped me, and I hated my life. I was to the point where I didn’t want to live at all anymore. Now I realize that I shouldn’t kill or hate myself over someone like that, but I still think about it. 

I know how it is and how easy it is to fall into bad habits. Cutting is not the answer, but I know you don’t understand that when it is happening because it happens to me as well. You should talk it through with someone before you even act into harming your self. 

I am open to anyone who needs help of any kind. Please e mail me if you have something to be helped with or talked about if no one else will listen. 

Stephaniecrow1@aol.com 

Why is parents here for you?

Their is couple reasons why your parents, is your parents; It was their actions that you are here today, to take care of you and give you what you need, and to teach you everything you need to know about life, the real hard tough life that you may have when you move out of their house when you are old enough to be on your own. Some 18 or even 19 year olds think that their parents “kick” them out of their house, that is totally not true, depending on who your parents are. Some parents can be “cruel”, but not physically. They may tell their 18 or 19 year old child to move out, get their own place so that they can live and take care of their selves, not to get them out. Them telling you to move out doesn’t mean that their never going to be in their son or daughters life anymore, they want us to grow up to the adults we are meant to be.

No matter what trouble we get into or what we say to our parents, we should always love them no matter what. Some people gets into too much trouble to the point that their so grown up, their parents can’t help you. But the reason that your parents get on to you in life today, is because they may feel like your not being the adult or young adult they want you to be. They can’t make you be what they want you to be, but you can go by their rules and expectations that they say as long as you live under their roof.

Parents is the most important people on earth that you have when you are a child. As a child you may or may not have thought that your parents is your one and only “heroes” in your life. They might tell you that they are there for you to talk to whenever you need them and their not lying, they are there for you to talk to them. Even though you think that they don’t understand what you are going through, they do understand because they were once a kid that went through the same or similar problems as you when they were growing up. If the problem is that your being bullied, they might have went through the same thing. If it was through depression, they may have experienced slight depression as well. If it was that they was a loner or shy or even didn’t have much friends, they understand because NO ONE IS PERFECT. Their is no such thing of a perfect person on this world that you are living in right now.

So remember, your parents is here to teach you how to grow up the right way. They will always love you no matter what, don’t forget that they are here for you because they will need YOUR help later on in life.

Family and Friends

Some people have problems with family and friends. To most people family always comes first, but it makes it difficult to do so when your family is falling apart. Some of us have either a sister and brother, a sister or a brother. I have I sister and I love her to death, but she also have been tarring up my family.

My sister is 17, not telling you her name because that will be giving too much information. She had met this guy that is a little younger then herself.  She began wanting to spend more time with him then her own family on weekends, and one day she snapped when dad said that she couldn’t go to his house. She went a little crazy, so we asked grandma to come get her so that she will have some time to think about what she did like an adult. But the problem was, grandma lets her do whatever she wants and covers for her in the process. When she finally said that she was going to come home one Sunday after she gets out of church with grandma (I never really liked going to that church, because I feel like that they don’t worship like they should). Saturday, she was supposed to be in a marching combatention at the school and the thing was, she came out on the field not marching and not dressed in her uniform. My mom began to freak out and then get mad, so I tried to talk to my sister after words and all she said was that she was feeling sick.

Later on, we learned that she lied to our faces and went to get her boyfriend that night to spend the night with him. After she got caught, she said she was never really going to come home and mom cried her eyes out, I have never seen her cry that much in my life. I hate it when my mom begin to cry about something I really can’t do anything about, I just hate that feeling of being worthless to help my own mother and that my sister would hurt my mother like that. She told people that my parents did cruel things to her, not going into detail of what she said, and they were all lies just to get to my mom.

Later on I told them, grandma and sister, that if they want to hurt my family, do not DO NOT do it to my parents and if you want to hurt my parents you will need to do it through me. I began to be sick of them doing this mostly to my parents.

Now to the friends part of the post, sometimes you have friends that don’t act like real friends and they may be “fake” friends. Friends come and go throughout the years. When one of your friends meets a new friend and they both spend more time together then with you, then tell them how you feel and hopefully they will understand. Their is plenty of humans on earth, you can have to find the people you can be your self to and be their friend. Have plenty of friends you can get because you can’t live forever, but remember to BE YOURSELF with your friends.

I hope this made anyone realize that Family and friends is the most important thing in life. Having friends gives you the time to be yourselves with other people and tell things to, trust them that they will help you through anything in life, they are your friends for a reason. Family is when you be together forever and love each other, even though the family is falling apart, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. Thanks for reading! 🙂 ❤

Falling in love

Sometimes people experience love, but it may not be “real” love. Lets say you met this one person, and you and this other person started talking non-stop. You think that this person is the one for you for the rest of your life. Sometimes it don’t exactly work the way you plan.

Lets say your 13 again and you found this one person that won’t stop continually talking to you. You start falling for this person and you take the very next move and ask if they like you. They say yes and then starts to lead you on after a couple of days, then all of a sudden they say that they made a mistake and didn’t really liked you. You feel like such a fool for thinking that and feel like you will never find someone right for you. But you won’t realize till later on in life that you will find the right person that will fall so hard for you and will do anything to make you happy and to make you theirs and only theirs.

Once you go separate ways with this person, you start to feel like your self again. As soon as you feel like your self again, someone else comes along and wants to “be with you”. You fall for it, again, and they do the same thing like the last person did. You start to realize that they are actually players and don’t really respect you the way that they should. That is not called real love, you may fall in love with someone but it will may not be true till you find this one person that you can find someone that you can tell everything to and do anything with them. After you feel like their everything to you, tell them about your feelings. 

When you ask your boyfriend or girlfriend about where they have been or that they have been acting “weird”, if they hesitate then something is going on.

Now back to reality, your 21 or older and you go out somewhere and you bump into this person and you and this other person apologizes. You and them move on and don’t think about it again. Lets say that you meet them somewhere or through a friend. That might as well be real love, but do y’all meet all the signs of true love?

If you and this other person start going to each other for help and help each other in situations that might be personal. If you and this other person begin to feel special together, but it will take time to realize it is true.

I hope that this might have made anyone realize that love will make their way to you, don’t go out and search for love. If you start to search for true love, it may not come to you and that you wont find it. Make sure that you can date anyone that you feel like you want, but the real person will come to you no matter what. Everyone deserves their soul mate. ❤

Life with bullying

Hey, I am writing this post for couple of reasons. 1.Don’t Let people get to you. 2. Go to someone that will help you and someone that will listen to you.

Today I had a lot of trouble between a couple of different people. First of all, I am a very sensitive person and listens to everyone and the harsh things they say about other people or about me. I’ve been through more than a couple of relationships in the past year or longer. People came up to me and starting say harsh things to me in front of me. They would say that I am worthless, ugly, fat, stupid, too short, or I am a liar. But at first I just said I am sorry you feel that way and walked off.

When I walked into my next class room to take my EOCE (End of Course Exam) everyone starting staring at me, like I did something wrong to make someone special to feel bad. Then all of a sudden someone stood up and told me I am a worthless ugly person that will never get anyone because I am too ugly. By then I started to feel like I am all those things they said. I never felt so worthless in my life, everyone thought I was all those things that they had said. At the time I didn’t know why or who told everyone something like that. Someone else stood up and said that I was a slut and I told them to back off of the name calling because she isn’t far from being a slut her self. Then the teacher just told me to stop calling names or I will be wrote up… Really?? I wasn’t the first one who started name calling that girl was. Is the teacher now on their side or something??

I tried my best to take my EOCE but I swear I failed it because I was so mad at everyone who was being so against me that day and all the other days. Everyone would stare at me at different times and it started to make me feel like I was being watched by everyone (which I kind of was). When I left the class I went to my last class of the day, I only had about an hour so we went outside to walk on the track around the football field where all the guys would play football. Everyone started to keep their distance from me and I knew right then that everyone in the school probably knew something that I didn’t know my self.

After that I went to my best friend at the car line and talked to her about it. She told me that people do that when they are jealous of something you got and they don’t have. They want to bring you down in any way that they can. That’s why bullies bully. Bullies think that they are way better then you and when they realize that your better, they go after you . My advice, from my friend, ignore them. If you start to ignore the things they say they will start to stop. I know that Ignoring something  like that is hard, but try your best to. Oh, and always keep a smile on your face no matter what because bullies hate it when they don’t get to you and that your happy. 🙂

Coming out Story??

You might think that this is something that don’t need to “be said” kind of thing. Sometimes people believe in themselves when they “Come out” to someone special.

Okay. The first time I came out was to my parents, of course, and they at first did not take it like I thought they would. When I told them, they thought it was just a phase. Well sorry to break it to you but I am 16 years old now and I was 12 when I came out…you think its just a phase now?? Didn’t think so. The thing was, I didn’t really say something like that to my parents because even though they might and may not approve of who I am, I still respect them.

Like I said, I was 12 years old and I met this one girl who I thought was they one, I was 12 so I really didn’t know what I was thinking, and I was wrong. She made me come out to my parents or she would break up with me. Like any other girl that was in love, I did what she said. After a while she dumped me, I began to feel like I was never good enough for anyone on this earth. But after more months of depression I talked to my one true best friend that I known since 5K and told her everything, about me being a lesbian.  She told me she didn’t care what my sexual orientation was, I was still her friend no matter what. That made me feel better, knowing someone knew I was lesbian and was still my friend.

I hope this shows you that if you need to tell someone something really important, go to your best friend and they will help. If you seek help and they turn down the chance to help, then they are not a true friend. A true friend will stand with you through anything in life. I hope this helped anyone in some what way.